Everything I Needed to Know I Learned Yesterday

The past several days have been really trying as we have been learning to speak Klingon - I mean Qeqchi.  Put simply, never, ever play scrabble with any Qeqchi person.  Every word in their language is comprised of multiple Q's, Z's, X's, and a few other letters that have yet to make it into the game that are probably worth about 50 points apiece.  Also, there are no vowels in their language, and it makes me wonder how much time we squander using things like vowels and other non-spittle-related sounds.  A simple click at the back of the throat means "your mother's umbrella is laying eggs", at least when I say it.

So to cap the week off, Kris and I decided that we really needed to get busy buying a truck for our time in the Ulpan Valley, which starts full-time three weeks from now, so we found a Toyota 4-runner that had some promise and was within our budget, so we asked if we could drive it to a mechanic we've made contact with for him to look it over.  So, in bullet-point fashion, here is what I learned:

• I learned that when a vehicle owner makes a passing comment that the gas tank is "a little low" that often they mean "it's nearly empty".
• I learned the sounds a Toyota 4-Runner makes when it runs out of gas.
• I learned that coasting back down a hill on a Guatemalan road in a vehicle you don't own can be quite unsettling.
• I learned that buses speeding up hills on Guatemalan roads don't really care if you're coasting backwards down a hill.
• I learned that power brakes and power steering are much more functional when they have power.
• I learned that the Guatemalan police will actually stop and help you if you wave your arms wildly enough.
• I learned that Guatemalan police also speed on Guatemalan roads.
• I learned that the bed of a Guatemalan police pickup truck is not very comfortable (learned at the exact same time I learned that the brakes on a Guatemalan police pickup truck work very well).
• I learned that an empty bottle of antifreeze in the trash at a Guatemalan gas station is "on sale for about $2.00" to anyone who happened to run out of gas and stumble bruised out of the bed of a Guatemalan police pickup truck.
• I learned that Guatemalan policemen like Gatorade purchased at a gas station that sells things like gas, gatorade, and empty bottles of antifreeze that can be used as gas cans.
• I learned that a person should not attempt to drink a grape soda while riding in the bed of a Guatemalan police pickup truck.
• I learned that Guatemalan police pickup trucks can drive on any side of the road they please, and that buses generally care more about those vehicles' positions than they do out-of-gas Toyota 4-runners.
• I learned that one can use a bottle of grape soda as a funnel to pour gasoline into an empty gas tank, but in order to cut the bottle so it could be used....
• I learned that Guatemalan police carry machetes in their back seats.
• I learned that Guatemalan police think it's funny when an tall North American with a now spotted-purple shirt offers to hold an empty bottle of grape soda so he can chop it with a machete.
• I learned that Guatemalan police generally prefer to cut bottles of grape soda with a machete like a saw, rather than like an axe, and I learned that perhaps it was best to let the experts do their work.
• I learned that, while furstrating and a little funny, you can find people to help you out.
• I learned that gas stations are not interested in buying back empty bottles of antifreeze for any price.
• I learned that finding a mechanic's shop in Guatemala City is not all that easy, even if you have a map, an address, and have studied the area on Google Earth for several hours.
• I learned that in some parts of the world, 26th Avenue is not necessarily between 25th Avenue and 27th Avenue, and in fact it might not even exist at all, even if it shows up on a map, on Google Earth, and is the address of the location you are looking for.  And on that subject, "Zone 4", in case you are wondering, is nestled neatly in between "Zone 1" and "Zone 9".
• I learned that a mechanic in Guatemala City named Andy Young is one of the nicest people I've ever met, and I learned that his opinion was that Toyota 4-runners can be "something of a gas hog", and I learned that it is possible to agree with someone 100%.
• I learned that lots of people drive on very few roads out of Guatemala City on Friday evenings and that very few of those people would pass an emissions test.
• I learned I really didn't want to buy a 4-runner.
• I learned that it's always nice to get home, even if you suspect you got scabies there.
• I learned what scabies looks like.

I hope this information has been helpful to you.